Pain FREE?

Jun 28th I got up really early, did all my prep work and headed out the door with my hubby to the hospital. I was scared but calm and a bit in a daze just taking one second at a time. I remember the little cubical they gave us and trying to chit chat with my hubby doing everything I could to avoid anything surgery related. They hooked me up with the IV stuff and started to wheel me out. All I remember is getting to the nurses station which was pretty much right across from my little cubical. I guess that's when I zoned out but apparently my husband said I started getting weepy when I got closer to the surgery area. The nurse said oh, don't cry we'll take good care of you. My hubby Jan said leaving was the hardest thing he's had to ever do in his life.

Minutes later or what I thought was minutes later that was actually hours later, I woke up. First thought? I remember thinking OK, I'm in pain. Wait this isn't so bad. Hmmmm, I can handle this. It was like really, really bad but bearable cramps. WAIT, cramps? Ok, that's weird I just had everything removed and I'm laying here with feelings of cramps? I found humor in that and also found peace in my pain. It wasn't unbearable and my fears of this moment were gone. Yes, I was under a lot of drugs and I welcome them. I have no idea just how much pain I was really in because of the wonderful, I love you pain killer they gave me right into my veins. They wheeled me to my room were I might have dozed off from time to time but pretty much stayed awake all day talking to my hubby and a friend. I felt pretty good.

Day two I was still on the IV of drugs but was bound and determined to walk on this day. They wouldn't let me on the first day because I was all hooked up to a few things so I would stay in bed but today they were removing some of those things so I could walk. I was told by my doctor, my hubby and nurses that the best thing you can do in the hospital is walk. So, I was ready. No matter how much pain I was walking the floor. First time getting out of my bed was a hoot. They had to show me how to roll myself out and with an IV and that little cart of stuff you have to take with you everywhere that wasn't fun. The pain however reminded me of just what I had been through. It was a consistent reminder of what I could and couldn't do.

I have been told that I can be very convincing. I had made up my mind that I was getting off all the tubes, IV, etc on Thursday. I was preparing my case for when the doctors arrived around 8:00 am. And would you believe it, I talked the doctors into removing everything. I mean everything. They even removed my IV thing in my hand. My one doctor the oncologist was so impress with my walking and stuff that he was all in, my other surgeon who put the colon back together, not so much but he reluctantly went with it. That would come back to haunt me later in the day. I was in pain but I wanted to be in pain. I didn't expect to have surgery and not have pain. I wanted to heal and the pain meds slow that process down. My walking was getting better and I now wanted to go home. All day I was doing great! I was told if you throw up 1 time you are back on everything. Then a nurse came in and gave me this big ole horse pill. I took it but didn't ask what it was. Several hours later, it all came back up. She came back and this time she gave me 2 of those big ole horse pills. This time I asked, what is this and she said just a couple of pain meds - VICODINE. I didn't say anything and took them. Later, several hours later that too came back up. My skeptical doctor got a phone call and then the fun began. Tube her! The nurse came in and said the doctor has requested we put a tube down to your stomach. Earlier in the day my oncologist doctor told me I was an awesome patient, I followed the rules, I didn't just lay in bed and I was easy to take care of. That ended the moment I heard tube! I'll be honest, I didn't want the tube, I felt like it wasn't necessary and the only one nurse I really didn't care for seemed to be really looking forward to doing this thing. I said nope! Not going to happen. You guys aren't tubing me. They left and then came back and said the doctor said if you don't do this you need to sign a form that you are are not going to follow his request. Long story is I gave in. Short story is they messed up. I wasn't sick because I couldn't hold anything down. There was nothing wrong with my stomach or colon. I was sick because they were giving me Vicodine on an empty stomach. I hadn't eaten since Sunday and now that the IV was out they started me on pills like Vicodine and my stomach couldn't handle that. It took me awhile to connect the dots but when I did I started on my next plot of getting this thing removed. That was the day I said NO MORE PAIN MEDS! Done, I'm not taking them, I don't need them and it's crazy you keep bringing them to me. I'm done with the pain meds put that in my chart. They did and from that day on I was pain med free. Not pain free but med free.

So what is my point here? I didn't want to be completely out of pain. The pain was something that told me where I had been, how I needed to be careful, what I needed to do to get better. As long as I was out of pain, I was going to be less motivated to do what I knew I needed to do to get better and to go home. I never expected to be pain free. The pain I was in wasn't really bad unbearable pain so why take something for it? I didn't want to rely on stupid meds that people got addicted to. I wanted to allow the pain to be a reminder of what was ahead, what my goals were, what I could have and that was healing. The pain was a reminder that the more I worked the closer I was to healing. The day they finally said I could go home, I asked them not to write me out a prescription for any kind of pain meds. Yet, when I was home going over all my stuff they gave me a prescription for 40 Vicodine. That was so unnecessary. I never filled it, never needed it or wanted it. It did open my eyes to the responsibility both hospital and doctors have to many addictions we have in this country.

What are you doing to cover your pain? What do you have in your life that you use to cover up your pain? It could be anything, it doesn't have to be something bad even. But, it's something that you have put in the way of God's healing power over your life. Something that is slowing down your healing process because you are hanging on to the pain meds of choice in your life. God doesn't want us in pain all our lives! Not dealing with it though prolongs the pain, slows down the growing process we could learn from and keeps us from healing. My challenge is to find the pain you have been covering up, deal with it by facing it, hand it over to God and start to move forward and remove that thing you use to cover it up. That's when you will find healing, peace and the road to a joyous life.

Leah Martensen - Carcinoid Cancer Survivor?

Yes, I'm Leah Martensen singer/songwriter/Christian speaker and now a cancer survivor! That's still soaking in with me and I'm just not sure I've got the whole picture of what that is going to really look like but I am getting to the point of coming to grips with the new me.

June 28th I was set to have a surgery to remove this huge diseased uterus I had. I had fibroid tumors that I have known about for many, many years. We were pretty sure they were benign. I knew more about them than my new doctors. I had been carrying this diseased uterus for over 10 years. I didn't want any kind of surgery and put everything off. I was told when you get passed a certain time in your life they kind of shrink because they are no longer being feed through your blood stream. Someone however forgot to inform me that there is a time in your life they also can double or triple in size before getting to the dying side and if that happens they are never going to shrink enough to keep the uterus. Thanks to that doctor who left that out. Timing is everything! I'm convinced that taking this thing out at this time was just the right God time.

June 28th came and the surgery went off as planned with a GREAT picture to boot. I love that doctors now take pictures to show you just what they took out. But upon finishing, my new physician/oncologist took a look around and sure enough right where the small, large intestines and colon all come together there was a tumor. This one however wasn't benign and needed another physician to get the job done. Apparently, my colon was just about ready to obstruct and I didn't have a clue. Thank God for his timing! The other miracle to all this was, I did all my prep work to the tee. Yes, the day before I did all the bowel work. Had I not well I would have had to go home with a bag to my side and another surgery later. If I would had woken up to that I would have freaked. God knew that and God protected me. His timing is always perfect! There were so many things that lead to this surgery happening when it did. I don't have a lot of inspirational thoughts here yet. I just wanted to write my first Cancer Survivor thread. I'm just coming to terms with this myself and it's 4 weeks after the surgery. I know I'm not who I was before the surgery. I'm different, I'm not quite the same. It's neither good or bad. I'm on a new journey and still on some old journeys. I don't know what my future is but I'm told it's pretty good. I know we're all going to die one day and on this day it's still not defined how that will be for me. I could die driving off to the next event. I could have another weird and wonderful disease. I don't know and honestly, I'm not really too worried about it at this point. Check back with me in 6 months, maybe I'll feel different but for now I have this day and this day is a GOOD Day! Just like all my days I hope to have. I'm alive and I'm going to make the most out of this Good Day. How about you?

From Leah Martensen - Cancer Survivor Jun 28th

Seeing Easter A Different Way!

Yesterday, I was leading worship for our Life Support group. It was yet another gloomy, gray, wet, depressing day. This week it dawned on me that it might have been a day like today that Christ died. If not, these days sure do remind me every year around this time, when the weather gets what seem exceptionally gray of what he went through for me. But this year I saw something completely different.

Jesus came down to earth perfect! He had his life in check, his emotions in check, his walk in check. He didn't hold on to baggage, didn't have mental issues, wasn't addicted to anything and yet, everyone's issues brought him to the cross! Not only our sins as we know them but the sins of those around him back then. Christ wouldn't have died that day if everyone had their lives together. From the time Jesus was born, there were problems with him because of the leaders around that country and their own personal insecurities. No one would have been after Jesus if they didn't think he was some kind of threat to their own leadership. Pilate could not only find fault with Jesus, but he really couldn't or won't make the decision of his fate alone. He really let the people make that decision.

Even way back then people struggled with issues! They held on to their past, hide from their shame, covered up their weakness's. If you go back and read this weeks sad events, you will see all the dysfunctions that lead him to the cross without Christ having any dysfunctions at all throughout his live here on earth. That was so powerful for me to read, because for the first time I saw just how much destruction goes on when we don't allow God to lead our lives and take away our issues. I saw just how destructive we can be not just to ourselves but to the people around us. I saw just how sad of a live some of those people that made the way for Christ to hang on that cross just were. And, until they themselves died they lived a very unhappy live knowing what they did.

I guess if you could ever say that somebody's sins or dysfunctions paid off for you it would be right now. If it wasn't for those people back there with Jesus and all the sins they had in their lives they wouldn't have walked Jesus through the streets to that cross. In the end we're all the same, there's nothing new under the sun. Sin then is the same sin now but we can have hope, joy and strength in Christ as he leads us past our past and into our new future with him. April 20th,2011 Leah Martensen

Where You Go, There You Are!

I've always loved the saying...Where you go, there you are! Life is about this moment, these lives around us, our purpose! When you combine those three things you have ministry and that's not just something I've been called to, we are all called to it! Look around see where God planted you and seed there.

2011 - Another Blog To Start The Year

Well...it seems as though I'm right here every year at this time trying to start a blog journey. Only to give it up right after I post my first January blog. So, I won't make any promises to be better about this, but just give you all some personal updates. How's that for a New start to a New Year.

2010 was the most awesome ministry year. I hit over 18 different state throughout the year! I was on the road for over a month this last summer traveling with my ministry from Ohio to the west coast. Something I have always wanted to do. It was excited to see what God had in store. I met so many wonderful God filled people who walked through a lot of fire and was on their way to healing. A healing only God could do in their hearts. I was so blessed to hear so many stories and look people in the eye as they were sharing their hearts, struggles and joys. Man, that just doesn't get any better!

I also want to take this time to thank all the groups, organizations and churches that took a risk in having me in. In a time when money is short for everyone, faith is a little weaker to some and doors aren't as wide open as they use to be, you brought me in. You followed your heart, you stood strong and you moved forward to growing towards God's plans for your groups and your own personal lives and didn't allow anything to get in the way. I always say that God is so much better than money but sometimes money is so hard to get past. Satan has a stronghold to our pocketbooks and sometimes getting past that is tough. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share with your groups or church. It was such a blessings to me and along the road in 2011 I grew from it. I learned that God has a lot of love and it shines through his people. That sometimes people will let me down but it's OK! That things I don't always understand just aren't for me to understand but none the list God is still in control. I learned although I'm in ministry God uses that ministry too, to reach me, grow me and teach me. It is about me at times! LOL! I give and God gives back though you all! I love that!

This year also came with some scary moment. Easter this year my husband was in the hospital. Many of you don't know that he has a heart condition that he picked up when I was tour with him in South Africa. 2011 his heart wasn't doing so well and it landed him in the hospital. That began our journey to healthy living for both of us. I'm glad to report that my husband(Jan) has bounced back 100% since April! His heart is doing really well and he's walking, biking, exercising and I can't keep up with him. But, that journey in April stopped my world for a few weeks. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through my husbands illness. I had fear I never knew before. Fear I never want to know again but fear that will probably come into my life at some point again. Fear is something we all have at one point or another. We can deny we have it, we can cover it up, we can lie we don't have it or we can step up to the plate and simple say...YES, I do have fear. What's important is what we do with that fear. If we hold on to it, it will bring us down. If we walk with Jesus and give it to him to carry we live a fuller life and allow him more control.

What do you have in your life that's controlling you or bringing you to fear? Today, you can hand it over and allow God to hold on to it. I'm not saying you walk completely fearless. I'm just saying you allow God to be your partner in this fear and allow him to comfort you, to direct you and to lead you down the right path. Things are going to happen in our lives that we simple aren't going to have control over anyhow so why not just allow God to have the control that we don't have. It will make our lives so much easier, bring more joy, more hope and more trust. I learned that in 2010. That right there brings me to a better 2011. Are you ready to have a better 2011 simply by letting God be your guide? We can all do this together. We can all join in and say...I'm working with God to make my future better than my past. I hope and pray you take my challenge for your life today.

I'm excited about 2011 as you can see and I want you all to be just as excited. Leave 2010 behind and move on with God as your driver.

Blessings!

Leah

(P.S...look for a NEW CD for 2011) - GOOD DAY!

Neither Snow, Nor Rain, Nor Sleet...

Wouldn't you know it! Snow! Yes, this year I decided to book several January concerts while I was home here in Ohio. I knew that January could be hit or miss weather wise, but we can't let snow get in the way of anything around here. So, first night out and BAM! Snow! I think it snowed all day. Not a big flake kind of snow but a small you almost can't see it kind.

I kept looking out my window going, really? Snow? First concert of the year and you're already challenging me to see if I'm going to let snow get in the way of what God called me to do? Well, that's not even a consideration so have fun making my little world look beautiful with this nice white snow.

Last night was a wonderful time of sharing. First time in a long time that I was able to go back out with hubby by my side and have him running the sound for me. I miss those times! We don't get to do that much but this year we're working on getting back out there together more. That's why I love going out around the area because those are the times he can be with me. Last night he was able to do the driving to the event and help with lots of stuff I needed help with so that snow was not a challenge for me. God had it covered! I love that! You know God always has it covered! Sometimes, we just don't stop long enough to see that whatever we are going through he's got us covered. We're to busy not listening, trying to fix it or just not paying attention to him to see that God is trying to help us.

So, today look for him! When you run across that small problem you think you can solve all by yourself, or you have that huge huddle to take care of today. Look for him! You don't have to fix anything by yourself, you don't always have to have the answer. You just need to stop, pray and wait to see where GOD is going to lead you. Let him take care of you! He's pretty good at it, has lots of experience with it and always has the perfect answer to whatever it is we're going through. He is the one person you can depend on for the rest of your life who will always come through for you.

Blessings!

Make Every Day CHRISTmas!

Well, I hope you all had a great CHRISTmas, didn't forget Christ and learned something new about him! CHRISTmas is always special! I don't think it's because of the gifts, the food, the snow or family coming together. I think there is something special that comes over us every year where God is trying to speak to us. Where he's trying to get our attention.

Though all the musicals, the messages, the gifts and everything else that comes with CHRISTmas, God's love is there. Trying to reach out to those that are lost in a time that brings them closer to searching. In a time where they are the loneliest. There's something magical about God's presence.

This year take this CHRISTmas moment with you throughout the year. Wake up every day as though it's a CHRISTmas morning. God doesn't want you to just see and feel him at Christmas but feel him every single day of your life.

Sometimes he's the loneliest throughout the year because he's waiting to hear from us. Don't wait till Easter to catch back up with him again and then again at CHRISTmas. That doesn't make for a lot of good days in between. Make a effect to connect with him daily in 2010.